Retraced Steps

Heart-throb, right?

Think again!

I am wild with love for this little man, this two-year old goofball-meets-stubborn-tornado!

But last week I hit my breaking point, had myself a lovely mommy meltdown thanks to this heart-throb.

Walk with me while I share...

I'll start with two weeks earlier. The Bentley Fam joined us at the Pogue Cottage for a weekend of family fun.

Heather and I met my sophomore year at APU and it was love at first friendship sight. We have walked through every season of life together: dating then marrying our spouses, working in youth ministry, extreme loss, babies, moves, buying homes, sharing deepest sorrows and skyrocketing joys. She is a source of grace and authenticity, and my life is richer because of this dear friend and her beautiful soul!

Over the weekend the hubbies surfed a morning session while we gabbed in our pj's, the kids drawing art projects and racing back and forth in the backyard,

We grabbed time away, talking for hours over turkey cranberry sandwiches and chicken harvest salads.

Maddie and Tanner fell in love {no big deal... hee!}

 Nate stole my heart... and Ty's food :) {I love a man that can eat}

We introduced them to our love for Portola Coffee and fountain wishes,

bought ripe avocados and sweet plums from SOCO Farmer's Market.

Shared Ruby's shakes at the Huntington Pier

and giggled over grilled cheese mustaches.

We barbecued tri-trip, drank wine, stayed up way too late, and savored being together as families; once two couples, now two families of four!

And when they left, Tanner moped, missing Maddie.

And Ty threw an over-tired fit inviting a half-joking response from Bryan.

Calmly my hubby looked at Ty and declared, "Sorry bud, Natey took all your binkies with him. No more binkies!!!"

My eyes like saucers, started at Bry's. My body froze. Sweat broke out...And just like that, we exchanged the couples nod, the we-are-in-this-together glance. A spontaneous decision, requiring a silent Go Team commitment. 

Were we really doing this? Was Ty ready?  

Well, ready or not, tonight was the beginning of No Binkie Zone. After all, the kid is two and he's ready... 

or is he?

The first night went surprisingly well...no clawing at the walls or jumping out of his crib in protest. He did wake up an hour earlier, but all in all, we could manage.

And then came the following day, nap time resembling a wailing siren ~ on/off he cried for hours. He refused to let me hold, comfort or sing to him. He really wanted nothing to do with me at all. I'm confident he was cursing me in his two year old noggin! His 45 minute nap resulted in a very inconsolable Ty Ty.

Thus began two weeks of leading to my mommy meltdown. My fun-loving Ty turned sleep-deprived monster.

I said black, he screamed white.

He hit his brother, and Stella too.

I'd ask him to pick up his trucks - he'd throw them inches from the toy basket, his eyes challenging mine as if to ask "Was that close enough?"

He ran away from me, cried for Bryan non-stop, and made me question my ability at being a mom.

That's just because he's two, you say!

No, this was the result of a stubborn, sleep-deprived boy who lacked self-control and understanding.

 

But we refused to cave. 

If we cave, he'll know we're fibbing and then he'll go to college with a binkie, probably still wearing diapers, and we'll have no credibility as parents.

Very rational thinking, I know!

He's too old for a binkie, he can cope without one...  

We. Will.  Hold. Our. Ground!

After sleepless days and disrupted nights, I called Bryan one morning. 9:38am to be exact.

I'm done! You have to come home.

This isn't working and Ty doesn't like me and... pause to wipe snot off my phone...I have no more patience and I don't know how to be a mom... sniffle sniffle...

You get the idea. Mommy meltdown at it's finest!

 

We went another week. Seven days of our son acting uncontrollable due to lack of sleep.

I know he's two. I know he has to learn to cope without a binkie. I know all the pep talk, Go Team motivation you're going to empower me with because it was the same sports banter Bryan and I were pouring on one another every evening, at God-awful 2am, and mid-day over the phone, and we came to a humbling parent realization.

We had to retrace our steps.

We had to accept that perhaps this wasn't the best timing, 

we had to swallow humble pie and agree that sleep was more important than attempting to remove a binkie from our two year old,

we had to remind ourselves that both our boys are so distinctly and uniquely different, each ready at his own time,

we had to say we were sorry, that we had the best intentions, but that we'd made a mistake,

we had to admit enough is enough!

Mr. Heart-throb woke at 5am this morning.. crying {never a good way to start off the day} and continued to whine for Bryan to hold him, pounding on the door, screaming in exhaustion.

Hours later, I walked to the sock drawer, pulled out two binkies, grabbed my grumpy bundle and laid him down with his pacifiers.

For hours I relished the quiet peace of a sleeping boy. Waking up happy, the heart-throb version of Ty had returned.

Not perfect, not suddenly sharing all of his toys and never whining, but rested and full of energy~ full of Ty!

And a lesson learned by this mom that sometimes all we have to do is retrace our steps!